Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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