He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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