I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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