i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
