Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize