someone owes me an orgasm
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
