lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
