Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
