how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
