I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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