So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
