I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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