Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
