I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
