i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
smell my finger.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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