lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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