So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i believe in u and ur pee
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
