I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
