You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
