Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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