I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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