fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
look no pants
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Randomize
