i dedicated my morning wood to you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
