I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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