You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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