Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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