I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
