how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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