my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
