I'm really into asian looking animals
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
