dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
