i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
