never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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