We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Are my feet made of real feet?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
