Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sober January is a disaster.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
