good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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