Umm I'm too high to move.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
