Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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