Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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