I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
