Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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