Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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