Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
