You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
