cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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