i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
