my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
