I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
