haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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