he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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