i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
