I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
