We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
