Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
