So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
