the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
