i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
