Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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