i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
