I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
