What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
