I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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