He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
