I only kidnapped one of them. chill
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I want a musical about memes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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