I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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