Plan B is the new Plan A
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
