@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
