My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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