Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
