dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
