I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
