He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize