I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
