it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
