Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
