I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
